STOP! Lashing Out In Anger

EPISODE 71

There’s a two-fold meaning to this week’s blog. Let’s deal with the physical first. This is a situation I’ve recently experienced (which led to this blog post) and one that I’ve experienced many times over the past 20 years+ coaching martial arts. A student comes in to train but they have a hand injury so they cannot hit the punch bag or focus mitts. Nothing unusual there I hear you say, but sometimes it’s easy to figure out that it isn’t a training injury. Something has bubbled up their anger to the point of them lashing out and striking a hard object. This type of a reaction in an emotional situation can have severe consequences, especially if lasting damage is done to the limb or if it escalates to further self harm or even lashing out at another person.

 

This isn’t a judgemental piece even though it is stupid behaviour. I’ve lashed out in anger in the past and I was never proud of letting that emotion come over me. Martial arts attempts to teach you to be in control of your emotions. This may seem strange to you, especially if you imagine competitive fighting as a form of violence, but I can safely say that I never felt any anger towards my opponent during my professional MMA fights. Anger when fighting is an inefficient driver with too many negative consequences.

 

The primary stereotype is that younger men are more prone to this behaviour but do not think for a second that women or older men cannot and do not lash out in anger.

 

An uncontrolled display of anger isn’t cool. It’s not a display of dominance. Anger doesn’t reach the best conclusion in any situation.

 

Now the non-physical lashing out in anger:

 

Verbally lashing out in anger is an example of compounding or escalating an already bad situation. Am I advising not defending yourself? Absolutely not. I’m advising not to respond with uncontrolled anger which could make the situation worse for all concerned. If you’re someone that experiences guilt, uncontrolled outbursts will always lead you there.

 

Taking any type of immediate action in a highly charged and emotional state is ill advised.

 

While I’m not advocating revenge, don’t forget about the famous expression. “Revenge is a dish best served cold”. Even for revenge purposes it’s not a good idea to react in anger.

 

Okay, so what do you do when you feel your anger is rising?

 

• The most powerful thing you can do is to remove yourself from the situation before you over heat. Simply walking away is nearly always an option. Life experience does make it easier to avoid the people and situations that could trigger you. The wiser you become, the easier it is to anticipate certain events.

 

• Concentrating on your breathing and attempting to slow things down in your mind can also help.

 

• If it’s possible to use words to escalate situations then it’s also possible to use words to de-escalate them. Perhaps you could use a few extra pre-anger verbal de-escalators. That’s home work for you. Ask someone who you know is good at positively dealing with confrontation. Somebody you look up to. Ask them what they would do or what they would say in each given scenario. A wealth of knowledge could be learnt from others with experience.

 

• Obviously I’m going to advocate hitting the punch bag as the ultimate way to help level out the emotions and to reduce stress. All sports and exercise can help to reduce a build-up of energy and frustration.

 

Despite the complex chemical response that takes place in our bodies due to adrenaline and despite our egos, we do have more control over our emotions than we may think.

 

We’re not trying to eliminate emotion from our lives but we are attempting to manage uncontrolled aggression that can end up hurting more than just a knuckle.  

 

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By Roundhouse Rob, The Success Sensei

 

Robert Devane is a serial entrepreneur and experienced investor as well as a former martial arts multiple World champion and professional MMA fighter with over 20 years of coaching experience.

 

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